I went in circles all this time trying to figure out a calling. Last year, I stumbled upon something and I thought this is what I need to focus on. I put my everything on the line for it and when I finally had hopes pinned on this one thing, I got a tight one thrown back at me. Yes! This is typical Cyden. The story of my life. Everytime I have genuinely made an effort, it has backfired. But when I tend to give in a half-hearted performance, I somehow manage to sail through.
Right now it feels like someone has just played a cruel joke on me. I did not clear the PT this time. How?!! I was sure about this one examination this time around. Last year when I sat for the same examination on a trial basis, I passed. Now that my hopes have sky rocketed, I have fallen flat on my face and it hurts real bad. I know I am joined by many in feeling the way I am feeling tonight. How am I supposed to break the news to my father? He has the highest expectations pinned on me. If I am unable to give him good news, I want to refrain from giving bad news as well. Year after year, I have trudged on wondering what am I really meant to be doing in this lifetime. I have to wait some more for the answers I suppose. At this point in time, I am sick of myself. Sick!
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