This Girl's Diary: A Diwali entry

October 25, 2011

A Diwali entry

Diwali the 'Festival of Lights' is here. Last year I remember watching fireworks on display from a terrace in north campus. Giving me company then was my cousin's girlfriend. This year I am holed up in my room in campus, shielding myself from the charged and brightly lit atmosphere outside those huge gates. I would have loved to be out celebrating myself but the question is-- with whom?

Diwali is also an excuse for the Hindu community to welcome Goddess Lakshmi into their homes. Ofcourse we now have it being celebrated in every community, regardless of what religion we may or may not follow. It is funny because Lakshmi has never been too kind on this particular Buddhist. A friend told me he was shocked at the fact that I had around five grands in my bank account. For him and many others, it sounded weird that someone would be able to pass off as happy and significantly well maintained at so low a cost. I do have a knack to pull it off though. I can settle for less and yet make it look tempting enough. Its just something I realized a few years ago when I had the most amazing flat in the capital and was always showered with compliments by visitors trickling in every once in a while. Money has never been my thing. Every time I earned or saved enough, I have splurged or used it for some purpose. I cannot have extra cash lying around in my wallet. Its just not my thing. I also have a major tendency to go all out for people I love. I am okay ignoring my wants and desires if I know there is someone else in my list who deserves to have something more than I do. Pathetic, I know but that is just the way it goes.

Fat camp, here I come!

For a moment I wished to be out tonight, maybe for a walk and an ice-cream in India gate, to try and dwell in the festivities. But half an hour later I was on the phone with Dominos for my second helping of Cheese burst pepperoni pizza in all but two days! My fat days are here again and it feels like, this time, the flab is here to stay. Having such cravings aren't helpful at all. Fat camp seems but a few weeks away.

Happy Diwali everyone. Even though my name might just have missed the Goddess's list yet again, I hope you have better luck at your end.

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A note for the readers

Dear Stranger,

We've shared a one sided relationship over the past few years. It began for us in 2003 when I started my first blog. A few years later I decided against it due to two chief reasons- I wasn't a regular and my writing credentials were best portrayed in my diaries. Somehow the idea of seeing my neat handwritten journals gave me a far greater sense of satisfaction than Microsoft word ever could. It seemed (and still does) to me a feat I achieved minus automatic spell checks and grammatical corrections; a very important one at that and one which I carry till date.

Back in the blog industry for a second time, this was supposed to be my secret haven. A much needed outlet to pour my deepest thoughts. Regrets I may have, anger I may want to unleash, opinions I may want to make and hidden feelings I might want to express. Things haven't exactly worked out according to plan. Strange as it may sound, I feel a constant fear of being judged according to my writings. As a result, these posts represent only a decent chunk of what I may have liked to say otherwise. I constantly keep you in mind. You may or may not know me but it does not stop me from getting paranoid nonetheless. So if you are here today hoping to know my deepest secrets, don't bother to read further. Technology can only get you this far.