Catch 22

I messed up. Majorly. It was a catch 22 situation and I am still trying to understand if I handled it correctly. Now that I have a clearer vision I am not getting an opportunity to express myself. There are so many things I need to let out but I am holding on to it all for the right moment. Am I really a planner? Do I need to "let loose and go with the flow" as he put it? My sister says I am too much of a thinker and I haven't been myself since the weekend. I have been trying to keep busy and involve myself in daily chores but the constant thought of what took place the other night keeps haunting me.

I wish I could learn from my mistakes, but I don't. I went, I cooked and, as usual, I got disappointed. Who am I to blame others when I knew perfectly well what it would lead to in the end? Still I gave it a go ahead. I spent three hours in the car later that night. The next day my brother expressed his disappointment over my behaviour the previous night. How would he know? I had so many things going on in my head. In my defence I did go inside for a wee while but it wasn't helpful seeing the same person dancing like nothing mattered. The ride back was the scariest by far. I thought I might make it to the local headlines the next day under a caption that would read 'spot dead'.

Now that the ordeal is over, I can't wait to give it an ending. Will it be a happy one or lead to further complications? When will the moment arrive?!!