This Girl's Diary: To be or not to be

May 11, 2010

To be or not to be

How and where do I derive the power to overcome this feeling, this want to please everyone? I heard this saying once:

"You can make some people happy all the time, you can make everyone happy some time but you can never make everyone happy all the time.”

It made total sense when I read it, however advice and action head in opposite directions so far as application is concerned.

Is it wrong to worry about people’s perceptions? Perceptions of those who mean something to me? I have always known that I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone- intentionally or unintentionally. And I am unaware, if at all, of situations whereby I may have done so. Today I am at crossroads but how do I handle this situation? I have given the required explanations to those concerned and to myself more importantly. Then why do I still feel this unrest inside me? The time to aestivate draws closer.

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A note for the readers

Dear Stranger,

We've shared a one sided relationship over the past few years. It began for us in 2003 when I started my first blog. A few years later I decided against it due to two chief reasons- I wasn't a regular and my writing credentials were best portrayed in my diaries. Somehow the idea of seeing my neat handwritten journals gave me a far greater sense of satisfaction than Microsoft word ever could. It seemed (and still does) to me a feat I achieved minus automatic spell checks and grammatical corrections; a very important one at that and one which I carry till date.

Back in the blog industry for a second time, this was supposed to be my secret haven. A much needed outlet to pour my deepest thoughts. Regrets I may have, anger I may want to unleash, opinions I may want to make and hidden feelings I might want to express. Things haven't exactly worked out according to plan. Strange as it may sound, I feel a constant fear of being judged according to my writings. As a result, these posts represent only a decent chunk of what I may have liked to say otherwise. I constantly keep you in mind. You may or may not know me but it does not stop me from getting paranoid nonetheless. So if you are here today hoping to know my deepest secrets, don't bother to read further. Technology can only get you this far.