Clueless

This very moment my exact state of mind reads clueless! I know I have come a long way and its been extremely successful so far. Now I have a dissertation resting on my shoulders and also a certain question lingering at the back of my head: Do I opt for a Phd or a job?

All the while I thought I would stay out of Sikkim and build a whole new world for myself somewhere, anywhere BUT Sikkim. The times have changed now and, more than ever, I want to get back to my roots. I want to have a life in Gangtok. I don't have much inkling about what I want to do but my goals have taken a u-turn now. I see my seniors (and some juniors) getting through some much touted government jobs and I feel a little apprehensive about my current state. Should I be there and not here? Should I be putting in my years in some job there instead of adding degree after degree to my resume which will ultimately not matter when I look for a job back home? Negative I know but if you look at it from my perspective then you'll understand that its only natural for me to feel this way. The future does look promising I don't deny but at what cost??

At times I feel like I'm functioning in a different time zone literally! Life has gotten so routinized and there is not much to look forward to everyday. All the fun, the vigour has been sucked out and I feel like this robot for now. Six months to go before I get some life infused into me. Will I be able to hold on until then? I think so or atleast I hope so.