Duality

Campus life. To some, it reminds them of the golden years gone by. To others living it, now is the time to carve a path for oneself. Campus life for me does not fall into just one of the categories.

It is a beautiful spring day in Gangtok. While my parents step out in light formals, I am carrying an additional coat in my right hand, while juggling the handbag filled with two attendance registers and numerous posteds on my left shoulder. Fast forward the next fifteen minutes and I am seated in the staff room. Most days I am one of the earlier ones to arrive. Taking the relevant register along with me, I walk towards the classroom. I have to deliver a two hour lecture to the first semester class. This lot is a challenge as compared to my third semester students. The classroom is not big enough to accommodate eighty students, as a result of which three students squeeze their behinds to fit on a bench for two. As if the suffocation weren't enough, my first years are hyper active personalities. Making them stay put and grasp the fundamentals of Sociology is turning out to be a difficult task.

On a slightly sunny January morning in the country capital, I have packed my backpack with reading materials and the 12'' netbook. Dressed in denims and a freshly dyed polyester jacket, I am a far cry from the impeccable personality I portray back home. Finally the day has come for my synopsis presentation. For some strange reason, I am calm. After four hours in the Centre library, I am ready to face the music. What was supposed to be a fifteen minutes presentation turned out to be an hour long detailed discussion. At a certain point during the discussion, one of the Professors commented that maybe it was time to stop since the student was looking terrified. I was indeed at the verge of tears but this had nothing to do with any of them lambasting my research proposal. My bubble had burst. The idea that I was as much a Sociologist by training as any of them owing to the fact that I was teaching the subject to some 120 odd students myself. I felt like a scamster. By the time I was out of the seminar room, I had a clear idea of how I was going to go about my thesis. Also, I was clear about the fact that I still have a lot to study and learn before I can call myself a true Sociologist.

This is me juggling two lives at the same time. Two lives that stand in contrast to the other. A teacher as well as a student. I suppose this is how the circle operates. And yet, I am often asked, "When does the learning stop?" Unless people become a part of this circle, I do not think explaining would add clarity to my situation.