Third time unlucky

CSP results were declared last night and my roll number did not feature in the list. What can I say? I calculated a score of 194 this time which was higher than the 186 last year. When I finally got to check my CSP score for last year, It turned out to be two points short of the cut off at 179, which means I wasn't too far off from the actual marks. So this year with a score of 194, I was hoping for a far greater chance of making it through to the second round. Unfortunately, I am nowhere in the list again. Could the cut off have been raised? or did I grossly miscalculate my score?

Even though I had a surprisingly comfortable sleep last night, I am experiencing two emotions simultaneously at present. First, I am disappointed with myself because I should have been able to get through easily. The mere passing in the first round would have given my confidence a big push, especially since the State Civils are also in the near future. Second, I am glad I don't have to prepare for the Mains as I already have so much planned for the coming few months. Even with the CSP, I was already beginning to worry about preparing for the second round. I remember every bit of how much I have studied for it in the past. Mains is no joke and there is too much studying to be done in the next four months. With the college session ending in November and the PhD synopsis presentation slated for October, alongwith the responsibility of taking my Aunt to Delhi for a holiday, a part of me was hoping this examination should get out of the way. Now that the latter has happened, I am sitting here in my bed, laughing at myself and at the thought of how my priorities have changed in the last two years. To prepare for the Civil Services means to forget everything else and focus on just that. I am trying my hands at different things -- college, short studies, PhD, all at the same time. So this is a lesson for me. Don't try to be too wise and trick your way into multiplicities.

In other news, Dengyal and a cousin have made it to the second round. This gives me immense happiness. Somewhere I hope that I have been responsible for instilling this UPSC craze in him. In the last few months, I have been filling him with details about how the whole process works and also supporting him in his efforts. With this entry into the second round, he needs to leave for the capital as soon as possible to prepare rigorously for the next four months. This means I have to take a step back and let the examination fever take over. I hope he gives it his best shot. He is a strong candidate and I know he can make it.