A tearful Jaya Bachchan in the Rajya Sabha earlier today reminded me of President Obama's moving speech after the Connecticut killings. The status of women in this country seems to be static. We still function with a mindset of the previous centuries when sati, child marriage, female infanticide etc. were the norm of the day. Men would like us believe that things are finally moving towards gender equality but this may be the case only in a few urban centres. Even then, such a balance isn't a free ride. Men still have a list of dos and donts for their women. Take your freedom but at a price. This viewpoint has only been reaffirmed after I read the Tehelka piece today. When the law enforcers are swimming in a sea of gender bias themselves, who are we to expect any better?!! For details on the sting operation you can click on this link:
I want to share a story today. My story.
During my final year in college, I agreed to go to a discotheque with my cousin's friend. I knew him just about enough to trust him. He was a Jat, a Haryanvi. The only reason I went ahead with the idea was because my cousins would be there and since it was a couples entry only, I agreed to play along just for convenience. But, as fate would have it, my brother cancelled his plan last minute. So I was left with this friend who had come all the way from South Delhi to pick me up (I was in North campus then) and head for Noida. Knowing that the night had now become an obligation, I told him I would go but I'd like to be dropped early. As much as our Delhi Police would like to believe that women who go to such places are loose characters, some times situations also make you give in. Plus, even if young girls in University or College do want to go out for a night out, why should we back down? We have as much right as any other male student to make our lives a tad merrier. However, coming back to my story, we reached the venue well in time, but imagine my horror when he did not have to pay for the entry. This only meant he could have just as well gone alone. Never mind. Since I was already there, I tried my best to fit in but I wasn't really comfortable. My company re-appeared after half an hour, super drunk and holding a humongous test tube of a strange colourful drink. I wasn't going to create a big scene there so taking this as my cue to exit, I started walking out. He followed me and a tiny argument ensued. So much so that the bouncer came to ask me if I needed any help. I didn't have any option then. He had to drop me home. So after five minutes, I told him, rather calmly, that he could continue with his exploits, meanwhile I would wait for him in the car. What followed next is what nightmares are made of! He misbehaved in the car and, at one point, tried to take me to his place. Thankfully I knew the road all too well so I swerved the steering wheels to my right. After a quick u-turn from under the flyover, the car suddenly came to a screeching halt. He simply put a bundle of notes in my hand, pushed the car seat back and conked out. I looked at my watch. It was 4 am. To the world, a (oh, how I hate to use this term!) chinky girl standing next to a car in the outer ring road at this late hour would have given all the wrong signals. So what if I was wearing jeans and a full sleeve sweater?! Where does your logic of girls dressing up provocatively go now, Mr. SHO? And I had no one to blame for this mess of a situation but myself! If only I could have said No! Instead of trying to be the bigger person this one time. Knowing little else, I called up my cousin to let him know what I was facing that very moment. He was aghast and asked me to stay in the car till he reached, which would have been about an hour atleast.
With the little presence of mind that I had, I deleted my number from his phone and put the money back in his pocket. After that I walked towards some vegetable vendors who were having an early morning (or maybe a late night) chat. I requested them to send an empty auto my way if they were to spot any. After a while, I saw an unoccupied auto zoom from the other side of the road. I climbed over the security barricade and made a run for the three wheeler. To this day I would like to believe that God was with me that night because the autowala turned out to be someone I knew! During my week long part time job at Pragati Maidan earlier that year, I had hired his auto twice. This is also mostly the reason why I say young auto drivers are the safest and best among their lot. This particular boy took me all the way back to my flat and charged me according to the meter. He obviously didn't know he had just saved my life. So I gave him whatever money I was carrying and thanked him profusely. Next day, my friend called up, apologizing for the previous night. He said something had been added to his drink which is why he behaved the way he did. But I was in no mood to entertain him anymore. I told him I was his responsibility that night and he should have kept himself in check. If someone was nice enough to keep her promise, he should have done the same. And finally I told him that if he tried to call or meet me ever, I would report him to the police.
I am sure many girls have similar stories to share. Each situation may be unique to the person but the overall scenario is, more or less, the same. Everytime there is any incident, all we hear is how women must dress and behave in a certain way. But this is no longer about dress codes anymore. Now that I have shared my story tonight, tell me was I wrong? Is it still the girl's fault? I was lucky enough to escape unharmed but the night could have ended worse. The biggest drawback about being from a patriarchal society is the fact that minority voices (read women) are never heard. Now that a rape case has angered politicians and civilians alike, the law makers and cops may work at break neck speed to cover up the gaps. But a few weeks hence, all will be forgotten. The Tehelka sting operation proves how much prejudice women face from the very people who are supposed to protect us. What then can we expect from the rest? What makes this crime even more appalling is that the victim was picked up from Munirka. A bus stop I frequent because of its proximity to campus. I hate to say this but had the victim been a North-Eastern, it would have been a case of double victimisation. Firstly, you are held accountable to a morality test as a woman. Why were you out? What were you wearing? Secondly, as a woman with features different from the pan-Indian population, you are already subject to much scepticism.
During my final year in college, I agreed to go to a discotheque with my cousin's friend. I knew him just about enough to trust him. He was a Jat, a Haryanvi. The only reason I went ahead with the idea was because my cousins would be there and since it was a couples entry only, I agreed to play along just for convenience. But, as fate would have it, my brother cancelled his plan last minute. So I was left with this friend who had come all the way from South Delhi to pick me up (I was in North campus then) and head for Noida. Knowing that the night had now become an obligation, I told him I would go but I'd like to be dropped early. As much as our Delhi Police would like to believe that women who go to such places are loose characters, some times situations also make you give in. Plus, even if young girls in University or College do want to go out for a night out, why should we back down? We have as much right as any other male student to make our lives a tad merrier. However, coming back to my story, we reached the venue well in time, but imagine my horror when he did not have to pay for the entry. This only meant he could have just as well gone alone. Never mind. Since I was already there, I tried my best to fit in but I wasn't really comfortable. My company re-appeared after half an hour, super drunk and holding a humongous test tube of a strange colourful drink. I wasn't going to create a big scene there so taking this as my cue to exit, I started walking out. He followed me and a tiny argument ensued. So much so that the bouncer came to ask me if I needed any help. I didn't have any option then. He had to drop me home. So after five minutes, I told him, rather calmly, that he could continue with his exploits, meanwhile I would wait for him in the car. What followed next is what nightmares are made of! He misbehaved in the car and, at one point, tried to take me to his place. Thankfully I knew the road all too well so I swerved the steering wheels to my right. After a quick u-turn from under the flyover, the car suddenly came to a screeching halt. He simply put a bundle of notes in my hand, pushed the car seat back and conked out. I looked at my watch. It was 4 am. To the world, a (oh, how I hate to use this term!) chinky girl standing next to a car in the outer ring road at this late hour would have given all the wrong signals. So what if I was wearing jeans and a full sleeve sweater?! Where does your logic of girls dressing up provocatively go now, Mr. SHO? And I had no one to blame for this mess of a situation but myself! If only I could have said No! Instead of trying to be the bigger person this one time. Knowing little else, I called up my cousin to let him know what I was facing that very moment. He was aghast and asked me to stay in the car till he reached, which would have been about an hour atleast.
With the little presence of mind that I had, I deleted my number from his phone and put the money back in his pocket. After that I walked towards some vegetable vendors who were having an early morning (or maybe a late night) chat. I requested them to send an empty auto my way if they were to spot any. After a while, I saw an unoccupied auto zoom from the other side of the road. I climbed over the security barricade and made a run for the three wheeler. To this day I would like to believe that God was with me that night because the autowala turned out to be someone I knew! During my week long part time job at Pragati Maidan earlier that year, I had hired his auto twice. This is also mostly the reason why I say young auto drivers are the safest and best among their lot. This particular boy took me all the way back to my flat and charged me according to the meter. He obviously didn't know he had just saved my life. So I gave him whatever money I was carrying and thanked him profusely. Next day, my friend called up, apologizing for the previous night. He said something had been added to his drink which is why he behaved the way he did. But I was in no mood to entertain him anymore. I told him I was his responsibility that night and he should have kept himself in check. If someone was nice enough to keep her promise, he should have done the same. And finally I told him that if he tried to call or meet me ever, I would report him to the police.
I am sure many girls have similar stories to share. Each situation may be unique to the person but the overall scenario is, more or less, the same. Everytime there is any incident, all we hear is how women must dress and behave in a certain way. But this is no longer about dress codes anymore. Now that I have shared my story tonight, tell me was I wrong? Is it still the girl's fault? I was lucky enough to escape unharmed but the night could have ended worse. The biggest drawback about being from a patriarchal society is the fact that minority voices (read women) are never heard. Now that a rape case has angered politicians and civilians alike, the law makers and cops may work at break neck speed to cover up the gaps. But a few weeks hence, all will be forgotten. The Tehelka sting operation proves how much prejudice women face from the very people who are supposed to protect us. What then can we expect from the rest? What makes this crime even more appalling is that the victim was picked up from Munirka. A bus stop I frequent because of its proximity to campus. I hate to say this but had the victim been a North-Eastern, it would have been a case of double victimisation. Firstly, you are held accountable to a morality test as a woman. Why were you out? What were you wearing? Secondly, as a woman with features different from the pan-Indian population, you are already subject to much scepticism.
Last weekend over dinner, a slight debate on gender took place. My friend's fiance raised this question that since women speak about gender equality all the time, why is it that we still expect men to get down on their knees and propose? Why can't women do so as well? I could only mumble a few words, like how some women do propose. I know in Thimphu women are very forward in those terms. It was only later into the night that my friend came up with the perfect answer. Women don't ask men to marry them simply because it is she who will have to pack up her belongings and move to her husband's house. So in other words, women cannot propose simply because it will be an indirect way of saying "Hey, I really love you, so can I move into your house?" Even if you argue that this might not necessarily be the case in the cities, think about this. If both families came to the city at the same time, the natural expectation would be that the husband's parents would stay with the couple while the wife's parents would have to make other arrangements. The first choice is naturally given to the patriach. Therefore, dear men you will need to do atleast this much to deserve our affection.
There is still so much that needs to be said but I seem to have lost my train of thought now. Let us pray for the victim tonight. But, more importantly, we need to ensure that the perpetrators don't go unpunished. I am a strong supporter of the death penalty for rapists. But you know what would be even better? Castration. Or perhaps, even stoning to death.
No comments:
Post a Comment