This Girl's Diary: Misery

January 20, 2011

Misery

In my opening lines today, I have a confession to make. I woke up feeling miserable. I slept feeling miserable.

The regular electricity cut offs between 10-11 pm played a part in dragging me to my cozy bed. A direction I ignore when I want to get some work done. All the drowsiness got chased away by a particular sound- my BBM tone. It was a 'How are you feeling?' text. How was I feeling? Ignored is the sentiment. My sister and PS said the same thing the other day. I don't let people know how bad it is which let's them to believe things are always sailing smooth in my life. But I have a question. How come I am able to sense when someone needs care and attention? The whole point of feeling looked after is when one doesn't have to ask for it.

I could ask for a million things if given a chance, but would it carry the same meaning?

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A note for the readers

Dear Stranger,

We've shared a one sided relationship over the past few years. It began for us in 2003 when I started my first blog. A few years later I decided against it due to two chief reasons- I wasn't a regular and my writing credentials were best portrayed in my diaries. Somehow the idea of seeing my neat handwritten journals gave me a far greater sense of satisfaction than Microsoft word ever could. It seemed (and still does) to me a feat I achieved minus automatic spell checks and grammatical corrections; a very important one at that and one which I carry till date.

Back in the blog industry for a second time, this was supposed to be my secret haven. A much needed outlet to pour my deepest thoughts. Regrets I may have, anger I may want to unleash, opinions I may want to make and hidden feelings I might want to express. Things haven't exactly worked out according to plan. Strange as it may sound, I feel a constant fear of being judged according to my writings. As a result, these posts represent only a decent chunk of what I may have liked to say otherwise. I constantly keep you in mind. You may or may not know me but it does not stop me from getting paranoid nonetheless. So if you are here today hoping to know my deepest secrets, don't bother to read further. Technology can only get you this far.