A day is never complete without you, without seeing your face, without knowing you are okay, or at least without hearing your voice. I thought I was strong, focused and responsible until I met you, and then I realized that I was only 5 per cent of what I thought I was. It is always good to have fights. That’s what everyone who consider themselves to be relationship experts tell me. I say the same to my friends all the time. Only when it comes to us, we realize that it is easier said than done. Yesterday was one of the lowest days of my life. I wanted to experience broken bones and helplessness and try to understand what is the difference between the two and heartache? Because if what I was feeling is anything to go by then I think getting a bullet in your temple is much easier than the former.
So for the first time since the noisy wedding night, I have put a restraint on myself. I have been way too cheap by breaking my words over and over again. Honestly, every time I have done that I have felt ashamed of myself. How can I be so stupid to say so when I know I won’t be complying? You wrote to me today and, instead of saying we need to talk, all you said was how similar you are to the rest and apologize for being no different. I am not complaining anymore. I was tempted to write to you but I promised I won’t make your life miserable so I had to stop myself from typing.
I’m sorry for all the times I made you angry or sad. Maybe it is wrong to be this person but I am not going to change myself to fit in. I shall not compromise.
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